J-Meister

It is time

2006-06-17T15:32:00.000Z

aah, my friends, it is nearly time. It is right. Toni has been leaving me clues too - little mementoes of our time together - notes, tokens, symbols, explanations, connections. This morning she left a little doll, its chest neatly sewn with red thread - a beating heart inside. I have it with me now - I can feel its syncopation, its comforting constant music.

I have been laying the final trail - candles, trinkets, arrows carved from driftwood - that will lead her to me. Tonight I will complete it - lay and light the last two candles nearest to her door - go back to my boat, and wait...

Pushing the envelope

2006-06-15T11:05:00.000Z

Toni is here. I have been watching her for a few days now, from my beautiful vantage point out on my beautiful boat. I can see all the life of the village from here, but nobody knows I'm watching. When I first saw her my heart turned over - I wanted to rush straight to her - but I need to know if I can trust her. So I am biding my time. Yesterday morning she was so close I could almost touch her - eating a fisherman's breakfast outside the fisherman's cafe as the fishermen gathered. She looked so vulnerable, so small - I wanted to take her in my arms, tell her everything would be alright.

I am leaving her clues. I have found where she is staying, and as she ate her hearty morning meal I slipped past without being seen, pushed the bulky envelope through the door. I don't know what it contains. I don't know if she will notice the initials I have written on the bottom right hand corner, the little heart pierced with a broken arrow...

Floating still

2006-06-12T16:34:00.000Z

I go out in the boat

I float

I come back to land

I breathe with the waves

I am alone, beautifully alone

I am the waves

I am the sea

I am me

Floating

2006-06-07T08:29:00.000Z

I've gone so far out of myself that I've come full circle. I feel alive again, strong, more complete than I've felt in my whole life. I've survived. I'm a survivor - not just a dull ordinary bloke from a dull ordinary town. I'm Jez. The J-Meister. I'm me.

And Ii've almost come full circle in my wanderings, my following-my-nose, my putting-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other. I recognise this place. Its not far from where i set out. Not far from Jemima's. Not far from Toni. I know she's back. It scares me, but I'm strong now. I can do anything.

Just before I got here I found AP too. Almost stepped on him as I was wandering along in my own little world. He didn't say much - seemed in his own world too. I thought he might know where we were, but he knew even less than me. He gave me something to give to Toni. A big fat envelope. I didn;t want to take it. Didn't want that link with her - but also wanted it like crazy. I took it and I left him there. That seemed to be what he wanted.

I'm not going back yet. Not ready to close the circle. I'm staying in a little fishing village - the next village along from Jemima's. There's a guy here who goes out most days in his fishing boat - says I can come along with him. If I prove useful, he might even pay me (hopefully in something more than fish). I can sleep on the boat at night, in the harbour. The envelope is safe for now in the bottom of my rucksack. Maybe it will stay there. Maybe it will find its way out to sea...

Still moving...

2006-06-04T16:04:00.000Z

I haven't found it - the lake place. I keep asking people and they say its not far (that's the ones that actually give me an answer, rather than staring at me blankly or looking straight through me, like I'm dirt) - they say its just a bit further up that road, along that track, round the next corner. But I keep not getting there. The road goes on and on, the track ends in a blur of brambles, the next corner reveals nothing. I've been eating out of bins (god, what have I come to?) . One night when I was curled up in some bushes this old lady found me - she took me home, let me get cleaned up, fed me real food. She was so kind. I could hardly speak. I seem to have lost the power of conversation, I;ve slipped so far out of myself. I grunted my thanks - hoped she could see it in my eyes. She might have wanted me to stay there, but I slipped out from the cool soft sheets of her son's bed early the next morning, really early, and was gone up the road before she could get coffee on the boil and make me not want to leave. I have to keep moving - I don't really know why. Its this strange pull - towards something that feels like home calling me, but it isn't England. It isn't Tim and my mother and a decent cup of tea. Its something more primeval, like the memory of smoke.

Toni has suddenly entered my dreams. She seems so real in them, I've woken up calling her name, expecting to find her there beside me. Maybe this would all make more sense somehow if she was. But I know she's thousands of miles away from me - in body, in heart, in mind. I have to stop thinking about her. Think about anything else. Anything.

To the lake

2006-05-28T13:47:00.000Z

Toni thinks I'm back in England, but I'm not. I've let her think that - told her so in emails - it felt too dangerous to tell her the truth. Maybe I'm just getting paranoid. Am I getting paranoid, dear reader? Are you still out there? Are you reading me? I need to know. Need to know i'm not going mad. I saved up coins for a few days (found some on the street too) and rang Tim, just to check that I was still alive - still real, and not dreaming all this. His voice was just the same - it was so great to hear it - he said everything back home is just as I left it. Nothings changed (except that all the cars have little England flags flying from their back windows - football or something, he said) - it was so good to hear. Good old England. Good old stupid grey dull and never changing England. God I miss it.

I've been making my way gradually north (I think) - hitching, walking, sleeping rough sometimes. The beach is a good place to sleep - I've hooked up with some good people along the way - building big fires, sharing what food we have. I'm almost out of money. I feel stripped away - the last few vestiges of my old life, my life before, my identity are all leaving me. I am lighter, thinner, freer than I've ever been in my whole life. I almost feel like I could step off the ground and fly, like a lost balloon- high high into the air - coming to land in some far off country - or maybe not coming to land at all...

I've heard there's a good place not far from here - with a big lake and trees and kind people - a place I could stay and maybe get some work - get some money - some proper food - clean clothes - a shower. I'm going to keep going till I find it - keep putting one foot in front of the other

Gone

2006-05-21T10:56:00.000Z

I'll have to be quick, dear reader. I'm having to pay for this internet connection, and I need to save what little cash I've got left.

I've done it, I've got away. It was really starting to feel that bad - like I needed to escape. I felt like Toni was watching my every move, checking everything I did - quizzing me about who I'd spoken to in the guesthouse, out in the street. Every night she would sit up late poring over sheets of numbers and funny squiggles. If i tried to distract her or something, she'd snap my head off - even if I flashed my puppy eyes at her or gave her my best come-to-bed smile, it wouldn't work. Some days she'd brighten up, her eyes shining, and be all attentive and nice with me - but I think that was just the days when she'd managed to work something out - get her code-breaking fix, or whatever the hell it is.

Last night it just all got too much. She didn't come home and I had no idea where she was. I couldn't sleep - kept tossing and turning - slipping in and out of more wierd and scary dreams (there are bears now too - bears dressed as people, people dressed as gorillas, giant children with wild staring eyes and horrible mocking laughter). God, enough of that... Anyway, I just got up out of bed, threw my stuff in my bag and set off. I left a note for Toni - can't even remember what I put on it now. Something garbled about needing some space I think. I walked out of town and up on to the main road - managed to get a lift from the first truck that went past. And now I'm somewhere else - don't even know where. The trucker dropped me here - said it had good coffee. Its just a big shack really - but at least I can get somethign to eat and get this message out. Don't know where I'm going to go next. I couldn't find my passport when I left. I hope to god Toni hasn't done something stupid with it.

Toni, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I know you'll be upset, but I didn't know what else to do. Please look after yourself. Whatever you're getting into, and I don;t want to know what it is - think about it. Think about it before it's too late. Remember what happened with the gambling. That felt good for awhile but look where it led. You're too wonderful a person to get messed up in something bad - don't lose yourself again. I care about you. I really do.

Please don't try to follow me.

What's happening

2006-05-16T17:09:00.000Z

Things just keep getting wierder. Jemima (who runs the place where we;re staying) - well, her supposedly long lost husband, Horace, turned up at the weekend and he's been driving me mad ever since. He seems to be on some kind of mad mission, and he's got Toni roped into it - and now he's trying to get me too. Keeps saying he needs my ace computer skills (like hell) cos he's got to find Lucy (the supposedly long lost daughter). I don't know what the hell is going on. And I can't really get much sense out of Toni. She seems to love all this mystery. Looking for clues in everything. She'd be reading my tea leaves given half a chance. I've started going for long walks on my own - mostly by the sea. Wondering if I should just get out of here. I do miss my boat now. A lot. I miss Tim's stupid little face and even my mother's sarcastic comments. I miss the English skies - all damp and grey and unpredictable. Here the skies are too big - you just get lost in them. God, I'm started to get all poetic.

And I'm worried about Brim too. He seems to be having the same gorilla dreams that I had (are they dreams? Am we both going loopy?). And here's something really wierd - I dreamt about Jesus bloody Christ last night - looking all god like and floating above the water - it sort of looked like the sea here, but I was in my boat, bobbing about and feeling out of control. Jesus (I can't believe I'm writing this down - the men in white coats will be along soon) starts pointing down into the water, and I see someone there, battling the waves - and I realise its Brim (even though I've never met the guy - it was just that dream logic - you know) and I tried to steer the boat towards him but the waves were too big and pushing me back, and I saw him go down once, twice.. and then I woke up, feeling crap, like i'd lost a part of me - and I had to make my excuses to Toni and take one of my long long walks. I've just heard her voice downstairs - she's back from work early. I'd better stop now. Goodbye. Goodbye

Made it at last (I think)

2006-05-11T14:29:00.000Z

God, I can't believe its only been a week since i last wrote in here. It feels like forever. I feel like I've been to the moon and back, and there's part of me still out there that hasn't managed to catch up. this is the first time I'[ve had a chance to get on to a computer (there's a couple in teh place Toni and I are staying that guests are allowed to use - there a bit old and slow but get there in teh end (bit like me then - apart from the "old" bit).

So, where should I start? I finally got here on Monday night after the journey from hell - I couldn't believe that I'd actually got to the right place - not till I saw Toni come running out of the house to see me. God, I was so pleased to see her, you couldn't believe. Let's go back to the beginning of this epic adventure, dear readers...

So, I managed to get to Liverpool on that Friday (in another lifetime, that feels like). Lots of boring sitting around waiting, and the trains were in a mess too, so it took me forever to get back home. Had to lie to my dear mother- said I'd been off with Tim on one of this crackpot days out and we'd ended up getting delayed. Didn't want her to know about the whole passport/running off to the other side of the world to be with Toni/probably jacking in my job thing. The next day Tim helped me book the cheapest last minute flight we could find - with some crap airline I'd never heard of, that sounded like the former Soviet blok equivalent of Easy Jet or something. Ver y early (and I mean very very god awful early) on Sunday morning Tim drove me down to Gatwick (I suppose he is good for something after all - actually I quite miss him come to think of it). [I left a long loving note for my mother by the way, just in case you're worrying about the state of her sanity] Anyway, I arrived in good time and got through customs only to be told the flight was delayed for a couple of hours. No big deal. I munched my way through my Marmite sandwiches, trying to make them last till boarding time. Just as I ate the last one, there was another announcement - another two hour delay. Shit. I went round duty free for the umpteenth time and read all the magazines on the newsagents shelves (without buying any - canny, eh!) Needless to say, dear reader, the delay ended up being 9 hours in all - 9 HOURS! You can imagine what state I was in by the time I finally got on board (especially as I'd started treating myself to a little drinky poos every hour on the hour after the first five hours had dragged by). We eventually took off and I think I must have fallen asleep straight away - forgot to put that sign up that saiys "wake me for meals" though, so I woke up some long time later starving hungry and very bleary eyed. I though we must have arrived as the plane seemed to have landed - but no-one was showing any signs of getting off. Then all these scary looking men in uniforms came on board and started checking everyone's passports - luckily mine was shiny new and legit. THen this was the wierd bit - and I still don't know if I'd fallen back asleep or entered some wierd hunger and hang-over induced hallucinatory state - the plane was suddenly full of gorillas (or maybe it was people in gorilla suits, I don't know) and they were going along the aisles asking if anyone was English. Well me, being Mr nice and polite and well brought up, put my hand up - and they came and asked if I knew someone called Brim in London. Aagh!!! Wierd and horrible and spooky and everything all at once. I really hope it was a dream. I really hope I didn't tell them anything (though of course it wouldn't matter if I did - seeing as it was only a dream, right?). Then they were gone, adn the plane took off but seemed to go just straight up in the air and back down again - and suddenlty I was in the right place, and getting my luggage and throwing myself in teh first battered looking taxi I could find... and now I'm here.

And its's a lovely place where Toni has landed up - and friendly and welcoming guest house kind of place, near the sea. And there's nothing to do but hang out with her, when she's not working, and go for walks and stuff. And it is great to see her, but I can't help feeling strange too ( i haven't told her the wierd stuff from the plane - adn I know she won't be reading this anymore now that she's got the real thing - i.e. the lovely me, in the flesh. I don't want her to think I'm a loony. Its shaken me up - reminded me of all the blue women stuff that happened before and that I'd tried to forget). Anyway, like I said, it feels good to be with Toni, but I also don't really know what I'm doing here. I feel a bit lost - a bit shell shocked - like i ought to be somewhere else, but I don't know where. She seems to be so at home here - she's found out about all the local history and customs and the name of former kings and obscure stuff like that, and she keeps going on about it all. That, and dolls. Why is a grown woman so interested in dolls, I don't want to know.

Anyway, dear reader - bear with me, and don't forget me. It feels good writing in here - its like a link with my old self. Good old Jez. I even miss my boat, just a little...

Hold ups

2006-05-03T16:52:00.000Z

Shit shit shit ('scuse my language). I;ve been running around the last two days desperately trying to find my passport (in between having to go back to work and trying to avoid my mother so she doesn't get suspicious - she can read me like a book). I finally found it late last night, and it bloody well ran out last year - I hadn't even noticed since I've not managed to have a decent holiday for so long. Now what am I going to do!! I was hoping to get going this weekend (been looking at flights, and they're not too horrendously expensive if I go at some God-awful time in the morning). Anyway, Tim just told me that you can go to Liverpool and queue up all day and get a new passport then and there - so I guess I'll have to try and get the day off on Friday (or throw a sickie) and do it then. Jesus. Life is never simple.

Hang on Toni - I am coming. Just might take me a bit longer than I hoped (in my usual pretty-useless-but-cute-with-it way...). So don't disappear anywhere else, hon

She;s gone

2006-05-01T10:25:00.000Z

Damn it - I've only just logged on after two days of doing very little at my mother's apart from sleep,eat and lie for hours in a lovely warm bath with lots of bubbles, still with a slight comforting sense of floating and swaying, as if I was still in the boat. But now I'm in front of the computer and I find that Toni's gone - she's just up and left, with nothing but a new credit card and loads of debts behind her. She's out there all alone in some strange country, running and running, and there's nothing I can do.

Just had a cup of tea and a think, and now I've calmed down a bit I know what I can do. There's nothing much to hold me here - the boat's nice, but it doesn't matter that much - I've got a crap job, crap friends and nowhere to really call my own - so what have I got to lose? The bit of money I've got saved up could get me to wherever she is (where is she??) and maybe together we could make a go of it - start again - build a new life. The short time we've had together has felt so good, so easy - I hadn't really realised till now how much that means. I don't want to be faffing about anymore, wondering when my life will start - my life's out there with her. ( I can hear the violins playing - I'm starting to sound like some fuzzy hero at the end of a Hollywood movie..) I don't care though - I'm going to find her - even if she thinks she doesn't want to be found. Bugger work, bugger everything. Hey, and listen Brim - thanks for your words of support - you think she needs help, and I think I can give it. I know I don't know you from Adam, but somehow it helps to know your out there, thinking of me, thinking of Toni, building your wierd and wonderful worlds in your head. Yeah, lets keep in touch - and keep thinking of us - keep keeping us afloat.

Swaying gently in the breeze

2006-04-28T12:55:00.000Z

Hey everyone! Have you missed me? Isn't this amazing - I've managed to find an internet cafe by the canal - in fact its in a boat too. Its permanently moored by a marina, and it does all day breakfasts and big steaming cups of tea, but you can also log on on a laptop and send emails etc - all while stil bobbing gently on the water. I like this life, you know. I've not felt so relaxed for ages, even though I'm still a bit cold and damp and probably in need of a good scrub down (not that easy to get a decent wash under the "shower" that only drips half a teaspoon of tepid water at a time). But I'll go back to my mother's tomorrow and get my washing done. Tim said he'l come pick me up. It was great last weekend with Toni here too (though Tim ended up hanging around a bit too long - I just wanted him to go and ;leave us alone, but he didn't get the hint (or choosing not to - probably more likely). Toni really got into the spirit of it all - she was pretty good at steering and pulling the boat in to the bank with the ropes and everything, considering she's only a girl...

Back to work on Monday - that's going to be the real test - can I get there from the boat (I've found somewhere to moor where it should work out - reckon if I dust off my bike I can get to a station that's only a few miles away in about 10 mins) - can I get clean enough to not get any snide "personal hygiene" comments from my lovely co-workers.

Just had a look at Brim's blog and he seems like he's not in a good way. Come join me on the boat, mate - that'll take you out of your head for a bit. What'dya reckon?

Hey, my cup of tea and egg/chips/beans/sausage/tomato has arrived, so I'll sign off now, dear readers... happy sailing....

tomorrow tomorrow

2006-04-21T14:04:00.000Z

God, what a boring week I've had - even though I've only been at work four days it feels likes its gone on forever. Dull, dull, dull - all the usual assholes giving me a hard time and the coffee machine broken too. Reduced to drinking instant out of mugs with nasty rings on them and all chipped - adn if you use the wrong one (like the smudged pink one that says "life begins at 40") some overweight secretary with bad breath gets all uptight with you ("That's my mug" said in an annoying squeaky voice, following by filthy looks the rest of the day). Anyway, at least I can leave it all behind for a little while. Off to the mighty ship tomorrow - and Toni's coming too!!! (Just hope she doesn't hate it and then decide she hates me and pushes me in teh water with a lead weight tied to my ankle...). My mother thinks its all hilarious (the boat thing, not the Toni thing) - she's been giving me lists of things I ought to take with me (like a rubber ring in case I fall in and an all-in-one ski suit for the bitter cold). I'll show her. I will.

Sailing away

2006-04-17T17:06:00.000Z

Hey, I'm back from the land of watery graves!. And guess what - Toni rang me! We were on the phone for an hour last night. And we've been texting each other today. And maybe we'll try and meet up soon. And...and...and... and that's all I'll say for now, folks. You'll have to wait for the next instalment. She liked the sound of my narrow boat though. Me and Tim had a great time. She's called Lone Star and there's a picture of Che Guevara painted across the stern doors (see, I know all the technical terms already) - current owner is a bit of a hippy and the one before was way out, man. She's 58ft long and built to last. There's a woodstove and a little sitting area, and a two ring stove in teh kitchen bit, and a kind of shower and toilet bit. I reckon the doggy smell will be gone in a week or so, and you get used to the damp after awhile. The dead cat was a bit of shock though - all wrapped up in cloths and stuck behind the woodstove - stiff as a very stiff stiff thing. I thought it was just a bundle of rags, but Tim had to get it out and unwrap it of course. I wanted to throw it in the canal and give it a water burial, poor old thing - but Tim wanted to hang on to it. He'll probably try to sell it on Ebay or give it to one of his wacko friends.

Tim didn't stop griping all night - he's got no spirit of adventure, that lad. He wanted to sleep in the camper but I told him he was being a wuss and what was the point of coming if we weren't going to experience the full experience. Luckily we'd brought two sleeping bags each, otherwise it might have been a bit chilly, what with the porthole windows not closing properly and the draft under the bow doors (see, there I go again). Hippy guy that owns it says he could give me a good price (about 20K), but I'll still need to borrow a bit from my mum (wonder if my dad will stump up a bit - I'll have to try and track him down. Last time he emailed me he and Sylvana (she of the curvy hips and come to bed smile, who's three years younger than me) were somewhere in the Indian Ocean). Anyway, hippy guy says I can try it out for a week or so before I make up my mind, so I'm going to come back next weekend and give it a go. Maybe I can take Toni for a gentle chug downstream...

Hooray!!

2006-04-14T19:34:00.000Z

She found me! Or Brim found her! Or I did, or something. I've just left a message on her blog telling her to ring me so I hope she does sooooon. (If you're reading this Toni, and you haven't rung me yet - please ring me!) How uncool is that? I don't care! Toni Toni Toni - o - of course, that was her name. Its all come back to me now. Anyway readers I shall keep you all informed about progress on the Toni front.....watch this space.....

In the meantime, dear readers (cos I know there's at least three of you out there now...), I've got some exciting news on the housing front. Well, not housing really. But I have a cunning plan to get out of my bloody mother's house for good. I'm going to buy a canal boat!! Ha, ha - what crazy plan is this I hear you say. But I've got it all worked out. It doesn't cost much, and you can moor up wherever you like, and go sailing on whenever you feel like it. Ahh, the wind in teh sails and the salt spray on the cheeks (or at least the smell of the diesel and the chug of gentle canal water). A mate of Tim's that I met last night (at one of Tim's boring "let's all get together and drink cider and talk about computer games" type evenings with his dull friends - I only went cos' I had absolutely nothing else to do ) called Pete - he was going on about his uncle who lives on a narrow boat. Bit of an old hippy by the sounds of it - but apparently lots of cool young people in London are doing it now - cheaper than a flat the size of a cupboard in Islington anyway. Anyhoo - I got interested and he said he could line me up with the perfect vessel - so me and Tim are going to go look tomorrow (assuming Tim's VW camper van can make it that far). So - another thing I shall keep you informed about dearest readers. Anon, anon... goodnight

Light at the end of the tunnel

2006-04-07T16:54:00.000Z

Just found another comment from Brim - with possibilities of happiness! Thanks mate - I've left a reply on the comments thingy, but just in case you don't read it - yes, please, do ask your friend about his nurse friend. You never know. Small world, and all that.

Thank god its Friday anyway. Maybe this weekend will lift my spirits a little. I messed up again last night. Finally got invited out with all those saddos from work (just to some tacky after work type place with crap music and over priced beer) and I got chatting to a nice young lass. Thought I was doing pretty well, but then I decided to give her the "I'm a software engineer" line, thinking that would bamboozle her and she'd be impressed. Of course, she was only a bloody computer programmer and started asking me lots of detailed questions, so I had to fudge it and pretend I had to take an urgent phone call outside. Jez the loser. Jezzy no-mates. Jez Meister doesn't ride again...

Oh nursey, nurse
This is such a curse
I'm thinking of you
Till my face turns blue

Bloody mothers

2006-04-05T16:45:00.000Z

Just got back from work and had to write this down. Get it out of my system. I woke up feeling lousy this morning. I'd had a really vivid dream, about that nurse from Manchester - nothing like that, you dirty minded lot. Just a good dream - she turned up on my doorstep and we went for a walk, strolling by the river, a little kiss, a little hand holding - it felt so easy and so natural, and I was being myself and she didn;t run for the hills. But then I woke up and it was all gone.

My mother made some comment over the breakfast table and I snapped at her, so then she started giving me a lecture and I felt like I was 14 again. I wanted to storm out and slam a few doors, but in the middle of her tirade she mentioned something about a lovely chat she'd had with a friend of mine on the phone, and why couldn't I be more like that - a bit more human (yawn yawn). I asked her who she meant ( I knew it couldn;t be Tim) and she said it was a nice sounding girl, who said she was a nurse or something. God, my stomach lurched then. What was her name? Did she leave her number? What did she say? Of course, my bloody mother couldn't tell my anything useful - no number, no name. She'd been too busy telling the poor girl about her latest trip. Damn bugger damn. Bugger. Damn.

I spent all day wondering how on earth I could track her down. Maybe she had been waiting for me to call - and then she finally plucked up the courage to call me - and then she got the full force of my darling mother. What the hell do I do now? I wish somebody was reading this and could give me some idea of where to start.

Its Me Again

2006-04-02T11:23:00.000Z

Hi everyone (not that anyone's out there reading this anyway). You probably haven't even noticed that i've not been here for awhile, but just in case anyone did, I'll try to fill you in. Been in a wierd place, really, in my head - couldn';t face anyone. I've been going to work and coming home and shutting myself up in my room and watching crappy telly. Its teh blue women. They won;t leave me alone. I don't mean they've actually been back, but they're there in my head. Everywhere I go I keep thinking I've seen them - people on teh bus with blue faces, passing me in the corridor at work, waiting outside my house. What scares me is that Tim saw it too - it wasn't all just in my head this time. I don't want to think about it - its really hard even writing this, but its sort of helping in a way too.

I keep hoping things will get better. I even thought about going back to the video shop and having another try with that young lass there - short blond hair, kind of boyish, but very sexy smile. She keeps knocking me back but its always worth another try. I couldn;t face it this week though. Last time I was in there she was going on about some off-beat animation about a deer that she was really into (she's into some pretty wierd stuff - things I've never heard of) - I kept smiling and nodding while she told me the whole plot which didn';t make any sense to me at all. The thing is she thinks I'm into wierd indie animation films now - god knows how I'm going to keep up with that.

Tim's still been coming round even though I didn';t really want to see him (but then I never do , and he never seems to notice). We don't talk about the Blue Women. Though he did say he's been checking to see if the next chapter's available yet. God help us.

My mother (when she;s bothered to notice I'm alive in between all her dinner parties and charity do's and weekends away climbing everest) thinks I'm malingering. At least she doesn't bother leaving the local papers lying around with "properties to rent" circled in red anymore. Yeah, yeah, now you know the truth - I'm 34 and I live with my mother. But its not my fault. Its very common these days apparently. And I didn;t have any choice when Sal kicked me out - (jesus, now I think about it, it was nearly two years ago). Whatever. What's the point. I do try. Sometimes. A lot of the time its just easier being here. Even with my darling mother. Least I don;'t have to wash my own socks. I know - evil male chauvinist pig. But you see I just need a lovely girl to come and take me in hand - sort me out. I'm good at cheese on toast, and I'm good at listening, and I can do a mean foot massage (I'm doing my best lost puppy face right now, if only you could see it...)

Somebody's out there!

2006-03-23T12:25:00.000Z

I got a commment! Someone posted a commetn! Someone out there is actually reading this! Someone called Brim (what kind of name is that?) but at least he agrees with me (yeh!) , even if he does sound like a bit of wierdo (oops, sorry mate - no offence).

Hey, Brim, you might be interested in this though. You'll never believe what happened to me last night (well, maybe you would actually - but noone else would). Tim came round (as usual) {Tim - Brim - Tim - Brim - that's good isn't it! I'll have to get a friend called Jim next, or Skim, or Flim - any Flims out there listening?} A-n-y-w-a-y as I was saying, Tim came round with this thing he'd got off the internet - apparently the first chapter of a book, or so he said - he'd used up most of his brother's colour ink printing it off (there may be trouble ahead...). Anyway, he said it was really racy (his word, not mine people) so we went up to my room and he started reading it out to me. It was all a bit wierd, about some planet called Athraxes or something and I couldn't see why he was so excited about it. But then he got on to the bit about these blue coloured women who are just out for sex (gagging for it!) adn then, I swear I've no idea how this happened, the next minute the room was full of them - scantily dressed women with wierd blue faces (blue everything in fact) and they started ripping off our clothes and, well, I won't go into it, I'll leave that to your fetid imaginations - and then in what seemed like no time at all it was just us again, the room was empty, and Tim was sat there at the end of my bed with all his clothes on, looking a little flushed and just a little sweaty. We didn't dare say anything to each other, we just sat there. Then Tim said "Um, think I could do with a cup of tea" and I said "great idea" and we went downstairs and starting talking about football.

Bored senseless

2006-03-22T11:06:00.000Z

From 9 to 5 I have to spend my time at work
My job is very boring I'm an office clerk

Bored, bored, bored, bored. It's only 11 0'clock and I'm already wishing the day was over. Blah blah blah. Still haven't had any comments on my blog. Still haven't got rid of this cold. At least I can have a hot bacon sarnie dripping with pig fat soon. And another coffee. Very strong. Everyone's talkign about going bowling tonight but no'one's mentioned it to me - not directly. Expect they might remember me at the last minute, as usual. Oh, yeah, Jez, you can come too if you want. Like they really want me. As if they hadn't forgotten I exist until they need someone to make up the numbers. ANd drive them all home afterwards. How does that always happen? "You don't mind do you Jez," nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh. GOod old Jez - the one that always does what he's told. ONe day I'll get some real friends. ONe day I'll press this little button on my computer keypad - that one with a funny squiggle on that you don't know what it means - and all their heads will blow off in a glorious syncronicity of blood and gore and brain bits which will be spread all across the boring grey carpet and the boring white polystyrene ceiling and will drip off the matching grey desks and clog up the eyes of all their stupid little teddy bears and mementoes of paris and pictures of their braindead boyfriends that they all keep next to their stupid computers and

Bunged up

2006-03-19T12:12:00.000Z

Bloody typical. Here it is, Sunday, nothing to do and the whole day to do it in, and I've got a stinking cold so can't enjoy bloody anything. Tim said I looked like something from the Day of the Living Dead last night - that helped a lot, thanks Tim. And he wouldn't let me share his pizza in case I infected him, unfeeling bastard. And he made me watch the entire second series of The Next Generation (though only the episodes with Borg in cos he wants to be one - wish he was bloody assimilated already and out of my life) - anyway I think the first series was better, when the women were all still wearing very short skirts]

Oh god, here comes my mother with another disgusting hot toddy or somethign (wish she;'d at least put some whisky in it). At least I can have the pleasuer of infecting everyone at work tomorrow - ha ha

Oh and another thing Tim. Next time you mention that nurse from Manchester I met at Martin's party and how I might have been married to her by now if I hadn't lost her phone number I really am going to hit you. Very hard. Anyway, she's still got my phone number, so who knows. Wish I could remember her name though...

2006-03-18T10:56:00.000Z

Hey look, I've got the date written in Romanian - how cool is that!!!

Come on girls, its been five minutes and no-one's sent any comments yet - what's the matter with this internet thingy? I thought it was heaving with girls in hyperdrive or whatever its called.

Anyway, just thought I'd tell you all that its sunny here in Ulanbaatar (bet you don;t know where that is, do you).

Diddly eye do diddly eye do - wonder if I keep typing forever will it fill up the whole internetxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhfgyroweuir;idsafkjsfsoeroewfjsoiujoru

(There isn;t anythign that bad in my underwear drawer, by the way, just in case anyone's reading this
who shouldn't be :-( [that's one of those clever sideways face things, byt the way, in case you didn;t know - see I do know how to do all this stufff)]

Here I am!!!

2006-03-18T10:50:00.000Z

Hellow world! Hellow universe!!! Its me, the Jez-Meister, here to entertain, inspire and confound you with my tales of derring-do (no, seriously) and the fearless exploits of a fearless man in a fearful world. Come along with me, and I'll show you the entire contents of my underwear drawer (oops, maybe not) and let you into my secrets on how to have a wild night out and live to tell the tale. Heh heh heh...

2006-03-18T10:48:00.001Z

damn, I think I've pushed the wrong

2006-03-18T10:48:00.000Z