Its Me Again

Hi everyone (not that anyone's out there reading this anyway). You probably haven't even noticed that i've not been here for awhile, but just in case anyone did, I'll try to fill you in. Been in a wierd place, really, in my head - couldn';t face anyone. I've been going to work and coming home and shutting myself up in my room and watching crappy telly. Its teh blue women. They won;t leave me alone. I don't mean they've actually been back, but they're there in my head. Everywhere I go I keep thinking I've seen them - people on teh bus with blue faces, passing me in the corridor at work, waiting outside my house. What scares me is that Tim saw it too - it wasn't all just in my head this time. I don't want to think about it - its really hard even writing this, but its sort of helping in a way too.

I keep hoping things will get better. I even thought about going back to the video shop and having another try with that young lass there - short blond hair, kind of boyish, but very sexy smile. She keeps knocking me back but its always worth another try. I couldn;t face it this week though. Last time I was in there she was going on about some off-beat animation about a deer that she was really into (she's into some pretty wierd stuff - things I've never heard of) - I kept smiling and nodding while she told me the whole plot which didn';t make any sense to me at all. The thing is she thinks I'm into wierd indie animation films now - god knows how I'm going to keep up with that.

Tim's still been coming round even though I didn';t really want to see him (but then I never do , and he never seems to notice). We don't talk about the Blue Women. Though he did say he's been checking to see if the next chapter's available yet. God help us.

My mother (when she;s bothered to notice I'm alive in between all her dinner parties and charity do's and weekends away climbing everest) thinks I'm malingering. At least she doesn't bother leaving the local papers lying around with "properties to rent" circled in red anymore. Yeah, yeah, now you know the truth - I'm 34 and I live with my mother. But its not my fault. Its very common these days apparently. And I didn;t have any choice when Sal kicked me out - (jesus, now I think about it, it was nearly two years ago). Whatever. What's the point. I do try. Sometimes. A lot of the time its just easier being here. Even with my darling mother. Least I don;'t have to wash my own socks. I know - evil male chauvinist pig. But you see I just need a lovely girl to come and take me in hand - sort me out. I'm good at cheese on toast, and I'm good at listening, and I can do a mean foot massage (I'm doing my best lost puppy face right now, if only you could see it...)